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My baby was sideways... I had to have a C-section!

My baby was sideways/ breach and I had to have a C-section

I am the kind of person that needs to be prepared to do anything that seems scary to me. If I were to bungee jump I’d need to see some one do it from all angles, I’d need to research how high the cliffs were, how often the chords snap, what material they were made of. I’d need to chat with multiple professionals and first timers. I’m am a videographer for a living. It’s the best job for me. I find so much joy capturing the highlights of someone’s day and slowing them down so they can relive it! One of my absolute favorite moments to be apart of, are birth stories. Capturing the mother’s struggle, the spouse supporting her, and the new baby features. March 23rd 2016 I was blessed with the opportunity to film a C-section birth story. I truly treasured being one of the few non doctors to witness one up close. In 2019 I gave birth to my first baby boy Tayson Jake. Truly the best day of my life. And because I had filmed over 10 births by then I knew what was coming and was so calm and prepared. The epidural didn’t hurt either ;). It’s now 2021 as I’m writing this and I’m expecting my next child. I could not have been more prepared, excited and seriously SO ready to give birth. Unfortunately at one of my dr. appointments, we found that she was completely sideways. My doctor said it might be too late for her to turn. I needed to have a planned c section. I hung up the phone and bawled for quite a while. The whole day was spent researching how to get her to flip. I spent hours in multiple positions, upside down, side ways, long ways, I tried it all. Every time she moved or kicked me that day in the “wrong” spot, I felt; anger, annoyance, resentment, and bitterness towards her. “Move!” I’d yell. The reality set in, she wasn’t moving, I was going to have surgery.

I asked for a priesthood blessing. I asked to bless her to flip, I asked to feel calm and I asked to stop feeling negative towards her. As the blessing started and ended, it contained a little bit of chastisement towards me. “not being grateful that I’m able to grow Healthy full term babies.” I was blessed to let go of negative feelings towards my daughter And for me to have faith in Heavenly Fathers plan for me. That’s it? Where were the blessings I wanted? I asked to be blessed she’d flip! I felt anger again, I felt that blessing was a waste of everyone’s time. The next day I did my positions and tried to keep on trying for her to flip when I got the strong prompting to sing to her, to speak to her. I sang a lullaby changing the words to ask her to move down. "move on down, put your head down here, and ill see you soon." After a few verses I surprised myself and changed the words to say: “Sawyer Jane that’s your name, I’m calling out to you, hear my voice.. you HAVE a choice. Move or stay it’s your say and I love you still.” Tears flowed down my cheeks and I could barely finish. “I will love you still” It’s the first time I ever considered she, just like everyone of Gods children has free agency. Jesus Christ stepped up and volunteered to pay the price for an unfathomable Amount of people. There needed to be a savior, some one willing to sacrifice And pay for Our choices. He did that because of LOVE. I’m sure with each new person, he had a chance to feel the love he had for them and agree to continue forward. That night I felt like I might have walked a step in his shoes. I felt honored I could find a tiny symbolism of Him in my situation. Instead of feeling out of control, I felt willing to volunteer my body as a sacrifice for this baby girl to have free agency, a choice to flip. I am not alone, yes I’m terrified of what’s to come. But I know heavenly father knows me and has prepared me.

He gave me an experience to witness a c section in person (which is pretty unheard of!)

He’s given me friends who have gone through it before to talk to.

He’s blessed me Already with a little baby Boy so I know how much love I’ll have for this one. He’s given me a spouse for support, and family to pray for me. He has given me the greatest gift of having a choice in all things.

I know, no matter what I choose, He will say to me; "I will love you still." -- not everything I say is fact, but it's my truth.



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