What Happened to Rydge.

One year ago we lost our sweet boy Rydge.

I’ve been asked probably a hundred times what happened.

I thought I’d be ok to talk about it now, but I’m not.

I still ache.

I’m sharing because his story contains a piece of my testimony and I feel very prompted to share it.

Late July last year, Rydge was relaxing in the grass with his tennis ball after playing fetch. Tay and Tayson were near him outside playing basketball. I was inside watching tv but felt like I needed to join them.

I am grateful I did. 18 month old Tayson, lost interest in the basket ball and ran towards Rydge with his fast little waddle. PAUSE I know Heavenly Father closed the mouths of those lions in the den with Daniel, the same way I know he He closed rydges mouth. God graced me with the exact time I needed. I felt in my heart to get up and run those 50 feet to Tayson, and so I did. UNPAUSE With zero warning, Rydge lept from his laying position to attack Tayson. I know this. Only by Gods grace, I made it to Tayson in time for my arm, my durable, strong arm to take the attack. Inches from Taysons sweet face.

Rydge let go after two bites, only because I threw my arm upwards and out of his reach.

I put my body in front of Tayson, picked him up and we moved.

This all happened in seconds.

For 15 seconds Rydge wasn’t Rydge.. who knows how many bites Tayson would have endured before Rydge snapped out of it and came back. I can’t even fathom. Rydge has struggled his whole life with demons. No amount of training or special attention seemed to help. For 6 years It’s been “manageable” by our strict rules and watching his body language.

As we grew our family, it’s been harder to give everyone what they need.

I look at my beautifully destroyed, purple, red and blue arm. I know I had to be bit. I had to get bit to see what I was blocking Tayson from.

How else could we have made the hardest decision of my life? Rydge had the best last day. I feel the deep need to validate my decision, to say he has in the past bitten people and countless dogs.

Then I immediately jump to his defense, because Rydge was not a monster. He was such a good dog. He just struggled with mental health. We raised him from 2 days old. I think he needed his mom & siblings to develop correctly.

We worked for 5 years to get a handle, we had a system, we were functioning. When Tayson came along, we made it work. I loved my dog and I loved my baby.

We made it work. Heavenly Father blessed me with the hardest choice I’ve ever had to make.

I’m still sick to my stomach that I made it. I hate that I made it. I wish I hadn’t made it. Deciding was a blessing.

If Rydge got Tayson instead of me, it would have been Decided for us. We would miss our dog AND we’d be devastated with Taysons injuries. We were spared one of the sadnesses. For that, I’m trying to be grateful. I love Rydge. I long for him. I miss his presence, I miss his hugs, his fun personality, I miss my sweet boy.

May he and God forgive me for putting him down.

......

I wrote the post above, 2 days after it happened. I was already in the darkest time, dealing with 3 other trials. I look back and can not believe I made it here.

I was NOT ok.

Sawyer Jane grew inside a body crippled with insane depression & anxiety. She is my diamond, the most beautiful thing on this earth. I look at her and physically SEE Gods love for me.

I am so grateful for my tender mercies.

I will do anything God asks. I will do anything He tells the Prophet to teach us. Even though at times, my heart is full of questions.

I may very well owe Him little 18 month old Tayson's life.

I owe Him every tiny sliver of happiness I’ve ever had.