I was disappointed at my gender reveal

I was disappointed at my gender reveal.

There are so many hilarious stories I’ve heard, of husbands who found out they were having a girl and grinned and “faked it” while they were being recorded. I never thought that would be the case with me.

Before Taylor (my husband) and I seriously started trying to start a family (I hate that term by the way.. it’s a polite way of saying we scheduled our sex sessions) I just craved having a little boy. My little brothers and Taylor were such cute little babies! And I wanted one!

Fast forward to when we found out I was pregnant with this current baby. My heart still broken from the loss of our first. I cried to God several times, begging him to let me raise one of his children. I begged for this pregnancy to go smooth and for

me to carry this baby to term. I had a little “blip” play before me in my mind, of me at my daughters wedding giving a toast. It was so real. Relieved, I prayed in gratitude.

Now I KNEW this baby was a girl.

I started looking up little girl clothes, baby girl newborn photo shoot ideas, nursery decor.. Pinterest is amazing.

We went to our ultrasound apt and got the gender, my mom came along to find out first, so she could put together a gender reveal.

Then the big day came, to find out the gender! We were all stoked. One by one we popped the balloons full of paint till we got to the “magic” balloon. Pop. It was blue... It was BLUE! I was in a complete state of shock, it was worn very clearly on my face.

I’m not ashamed to say this, because I KNOW I’m not alone. I cried. I was so confused, so taken aback, and I needed to mourn the loss of the pink girly life I created in my head.

I took to Pinterest searching “boy” clothes, nursery ideas, photography. Desperate to find the good.

It took me a while, but as I came to accept it, the thought came to me “I begged God for one of his children.” God is blessing me with a spirit who was born to do something, something that no one has ever done. He will be some one that no one has EVER been before.

And I have been chosen to raise him to do good, and be a light.

Suddenly my worldly desires to have cute pink bows, and little dresses seemed so ridiculous.

I have been called to be a mother. Whether Baseball hats or floral head bands, I have accepted a responsibility.

Maybe next time around I’ll get my little girl. My strong willed, powerful, leader, who on occasion wears tutus.

God knows what he’s doing. I NEED this little boy, he’s going to change me, challenge me, bring my heart so much peace and joy! ..I can feel it.

To all my followers who felt the need to message me after we announced it was a boy, saying they wished I was having a girl, or who decided to let me know they were disappointed.. First off, that’s a weird and inappropriate thing to do. Second, I was right there with ya! And third, It shouldn’t matter the gender, every baby has so much to offer. Let the adventures begin!